Rhaevynn

The present me is worlds apart from who I used to be. I used to be a kid who could do anything and everything. And now everything I do is meaningless- it would be the same if I didn't do anything at all. I have a journal- a notebook, really. I used to write in it every single day when I was younger. I don't do that anymore because when I read through what I had written, it's like I'm reading about a stranger. I can't even recognize who I used to be. And the worst part is, I don't even know who I am right now.

Night time is the worst. It's when I don't have anything to do and my mind is free to think what it wants that all the suffocating thoughts come hurtling through. thoughts about how I could just wear my coat, open the window and escape. And the image of actually doing it- of me sliding my arm through one of the sleeves and then sliding my other arm through the second sleeve, sliding the window silently open, gripping it's frame and hauling my body over the ledge- flashes through my mind. But nothing happens. Nothing changes. No matter what I say or do, I am living the exact same day as yesterday. Just what exactly is it that I'm doing wron

Sometimes, i feel like packing a bag, grabbing my passport and walking out of the house. Just opening the front door with the freedom to go anywhere and do anything. I'm not talking about running away from home- that's childish. No, I'm talking about having the freedom to go wherever you want- even if its nowhere. Isn't that how stories start? Anime? Manga? You start to walk on your own path and are joined by amazing people and you end up doing or being a witness to amazing things. That's what I mean. I want to live. Not survive. LIVE.